You Should Masturbate

December 3, 2010 at 9:33 pm (BBW) (, )

You don’t really need another reason to masturbate, do you? I know I don’t. Maybe you were raised Roman Catholic and have some lingering issues with it, but here’s why you should never feel guilty about rubbing one out.

It’s Better than Counting Sheep

If you’re ever having trouble falling asleep, try jacking off. The intense physical movement followed by intense release creates a state of deep relaxation. The fantasy involved is also sure to take your mind off the ten finance reports/articles/drawings of monkeys you need to get done at work tomorrow and let you wonder peacefully off to zzz land.

Gentleman Always Masturbate

A key to ensuring you are a gentleman with the new big beautiful woman you are dating online is to adjust the antenna before going out with her, after going out with her, in the bathroom while out with her (just kidding?) – whatever it takes to make it appear as if you aren’t the horny bastard you actually are. Women can smell the horniness on a bastard. The less horny you seem, the more horny she’ll get. Applying the handbrake will keep you sane.

Safety

Hmmm. You don’t like to typecast people, particularly women, but the girl you’re on a ‘date’ with (you met her in the man’s bathroom two minutes ago), seems to know every man in the bar intimately, and is pressuring you to return to the stalls for a quickie, even though neither of you have protection. It’s really hard to say no to her fishnets, however, going home, or to the stall, to flog the dong, could help you dodge a big bullet here. Sex with yourself is the safest sex you can have.

Fun with One Another

There’s something both strangely exciting and incredibly intimate about bringing yourself to orgasm with a sexy partner. You get a glimpse into how your beautiful woman makes herself cum when she’s alone, and she gets to see the same; it can actually create a sense of closeness that fucking can’t. And trust me, it’s just hot.

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