Panda Porn an Epic Failure

December 28, 2010 at 5:43 pm (Adult Dating, BBW, Panda Porn, Performance Anxiety) (, , , )

Chuang Chuang the Panda at Chiang Mai Zoo in Northern Thaliand doesn’t like porn. Seems he just isn’t that into sex in general. He’s got a big beautiful woman panda in his cage with him, but so far he doesn’t seem interested. Maybe she’s not his type. Maybe he’s too scared to approach her. Maybe he’s gay. Who knows. Apparently, the world of panda adult dating is more complicated than we thought. Someone needs to buy that panda a drink.

In an attempt to get Chuang Chuang up for a little randy action, handlers at the zoo ordered Mr. Asexual a big, healthy dose of panda pornography. XXX movies for pandas are just like ours – they feature two of the black and white beasties going at it. All the action is from the rear, of course – my favorite. I bet there are a lot of furries out there who would love to see some of that action! They’re probably sewing their panda costumes as I type.

Handlers also speculated that Chuang Chuang didn’t know what the fuck he was doing, as in, he just didn’t know how to fuck. The porn was also supposed to work as a sort of instruction manual. While Chuang Chuang watches and learns, his big-boned woman panda friend has been put in another cage. I bet she’s hoping there’s at least one scene in the flick where the girl panda sits on the guy panda’s face.

While handlers are hoping for a blissful, x-rated reunion, Chuang Chuang just doesn’t seem to care. The videos aren’t doing it for him.

There are only 1,600 giant pandas in central China; most live in the region’s mountain forests. There are an additional 120 in breeding facilities in the country and around 20 in zoos outside of China. The species’ endangered status makes it very important that Chuang Chuang gets his groove back. Hmm, maybe he has performance anxiety….


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