Why Yes, You Should Be Single!
Do you wish you were single? Here’s why you should be:
1. Monogamy is Boring
Fucking the same person over and over and over again is boring. There’s only so much experimenting a couple can do after a while. Once you’ve dressed as the big bad wolf and she as little red riding hood, and then you as little red riding hood and she as the big bad wolf, it might be time to part beds. Seriously, how far do we have to go to force ourselves to like sex with one another after a while? Should it be that much work? Especially since your cock swells three sizes when you see your next-door-neighbor doing yoga on the front porch every morning, and all she’s doing is standing mountain pose…in her sweatpants.
2. Non-Monogamy is Fun as Hell
Welcome to the world of adult dating, aka fucking whomever you please, whenever you please. Yoga girl adores doggy style. The postwoman likes it quick and dirty on the living room floor. Your best friend’s wife loves secret make out sessions with you after her husband has too much wine spritzer at the BBQ. The world is full of possibilities, my friend, and if you’re locked down, you’re missing out. To women, newly single men are like catnip – totally irresistible and conducive to rolling all over the floor with.
3. A Little Bit of This, A Little Bit of That
There are so many ridiculously stunning and wondrously different types of women out there! There are big beautiful women, little women, tall women, women with massive breasts, women with perky, unpretentious breasts, women with round juicy asses and women with asses like a new peach. And, as I mentioned in number two, they all fuck differently; some are porn all-stars, others want it shy, sweet and deep. Need I say more? The single life, my man, is much better.
Panda Porn an Epic Failure
Chuang Chuang the Panda at Chiang Mai Zoo in Northern Thaliand doesn’t like porn. Seems he just isn’t that into sex in general. He’s got a big beautiful woman panda in his cage with him, but so far he doesn’t seem interested. Maybe she’s not his type. Maybe he’s too scared to approach her. Maybe he’s gay. Who knows. Apparently, the world of panda adult dating is more complicated than we thought. Someone needs to buy that panda a drink.
In an attempt to get Chuang Chuang up for a little randy action, handlers at the zoo ordered Mr. Asexual a big, healthy dose of panda pornography. XXX movies for pandas are just like ours – they feature two of the black and white beasties going at it. All the action is from the rear, of course – my favorite. I bet there are a lot of furries out there who would love to see some of that action! They’re probably sewing their panda costumes as I type.
Handlers also speculated that Chuang Chuang didn’t know what the fuck he was doing, as in, he just didn’t know how to fuck. The porn was also supposed to work as a sort of instruction manual. While Chuang Chuang watches and learns, his big-boned woman panda friend has been put in another cage. I bet she’s hoping there’s at least one scene in the flick where the girl panda sits on the guy panda’s face.
While handlers are hoping for a blissful, x-rated reunion, Chuang Chuang just doesn’t seem to care. The videos aren’t doing it for him.
There are only 1,600 giant pandas in central China; most live in the region’s mountain forests. There are an additional 120 in breeding facilities in the country and around 20 in zoos outside of China. The species’ endangered status makes it very important that Chuang Chuang gets his groove back. Hmm, maybe he has performance anxiety….
Why Yes, You Should Be Single!
Do you wish you were single? Here’s why you should be:
1. Monogamy is Boring
Casual sex with the same person over and over and over again is boring. There’s only so much experimenting a couple can do after a while. Once you’ve dressed as the big bad wolf and she as little red riding hood, and then you as little red riding hood and she as the big bad wolf, it might be time to part beds. Seriously, how far do we have to go to force ourselves to like sex with one another after a while? Should it be that much work? Especially since your cock swells three sizes when you see your next-door-neighbor doing yoga on the front porch every morning, and all she’s doing is standing mountain pose…in her sweatpants.
2. Non-Monogamy is Fun as Hell
Welcome to the world of adult dating, aka fucking whomever you please, whenever you please. Yoga girl adores doggy style. The postwoman likes it quick and dirty on the living room floor. Your best friend’s wife loves secret make out sessions with you after her husband has too much wine spritzer at the BBQ. The world is full of possibilities, my friend, and if you’re locked down, you’re missing out. To women, newly single men are like catnip – totally irresistible and conducive to rolling all over the floor with.
3. A Little Bit of This, A Little Bit of That
There are so many ridiculously stunning and wondrously different types of women out there! There are big beautiful women, little women, tall women, women with massive breasts, women with perky, unpretentious breasts, women with round juicy asses and women with asses like a new peach. And, as I mentioned in number two, they all fuck differently; some are porn all-stars, others want it shy, sweet and deep. Need I say more? The single life, my man, is much better.
